Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Thoughts are racing through my head faster than an analogy I can't come up with. They keep coming and going. All though that going part is sparingly. I'm pacing so fast tat I'm almost jogging. It's actaully a struggle to sit here and type this. I'm typing with about 40% more vigor and 30% more speed than normal to compensate. I don't know why my mind is reeling. I can't finger out the culprit. I have this major urge to hit something, but I'm telling myself not to...

"That wall is making fun of you." I'm not stupid don't mock me! Walls can't talk. I will not punch it! Why am I yelling at myself. Which one am I. One of them is yelling for peace, another for pure carnage. another just laughing to the side. Yet another is trying to intervene but can't get a word in. Which one of these thoughts am I? I'm all of them no doubt. But then why are the fight... Why am I fighting myself.

I'm not insane. I purposely fabricated these personalities and these voices for each their own reason. Normally I completely control them. I can switch between each one perfectly and I am them. Now they're all yelling and I can't think. All I can do right now is control my breathing. It's easy to close your ears to something but your thoughts... That's a lot harder.

all these fabricated personalities are part of who I am, that's why I can switch willfully between them. It's just me acting differently because I want to. But now they won't listen and shut up. It sounds weird typing it out. I'm not insane, I'm not bipolar. These are all thoughts, I'm perfectly able to act as myself. Right now I'm typing. I know what I'm saying.

I think I'm typing this to ignore my thoughts....

You know. I may just be angry. Me. Myself. None of them. I'm angry at nothing. they're trying to help me, bar a few.

Actually I feel a little better. I'm going for a walk. I'll sort out my thoughts there. I control my mind and no amount of anything will stop my mental strength. I think I just realized something. If I remember it, I'll write something on it.

Peace, and calm down.


  1. for some reason i was reading this very fast.. :P

  2. I know how you feel man. Those voices really get me down sometimes, but they're ultimately what drive me to be a better and worse person respectively. At the end of the day it just matters what YOU want.

    Life is just the ultimately role playing game, that's all.

  3. @Empty
    Ahahaha I was doing the same!

    Although being angry can "help" in some situations its better to take a walk and calm down and think it through